What is the world like today for men? The analogy of the movie Barbie shows Ken in the “Real World” getting recognition and respect, whereas, in Barbie Land, he is subservient to Barbie. He has a good day only when Barbie notices him, and he is lost without her. It is important to him to find out why life is different in the “Real World,” so he steals a book on masculinity to change Barbie Land. His goal is to become a macho, aggressive, and egocentric man and pursue the masculine existence of being tough and aggressive. He transforms Barbie Land into Ken Land, and Barbie’s house becomes his “man cave.” Ken demonstrated what today is called “masculine toxicity,” which can result in domestic violence.

Barbie’s world revolves around her friends; her priority is girls’ nights out. Although she appears to be “sweet,” she thinks only of herself in Barbie Land, but the trip to the “Real World” changes her. She sees reality, connects it to her real feelings, and begins to know herself. Returning to Barbie Land, she is appalled that her house has changed into a “man’s cave” and sees Ken as the macho man. She tells Ken that he needs to get in touch with his feelings.

Does this pertain to men today? Do they know themselves? Do they project an image of what they think they should be? To be tough and not cry? To impress females with an expensive car and lots of money? Are men in touch with their feelings? Do they know who they really are?

According to Richard V. Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men, males are having a “tough time” today. Reeves covers the topics of:

• Why the modern male is struggling?
• Why does it matter, and what can we do about it?
• Why is the Modern Male Struggling?

Males are struggling because:

1. 53.1% of females, as compared to 46.9% of males, obtain their bachelor’s degrees (Census Bureau Releases New Educational Attainment Data);
2. Women’s wage growth from 1979-2019 was 28.8%, compared to a 3.0% wage loss experienced by men at the median. However, the median wage for women in 2019 was still lower than that for men in the same year. (Congressional Research Service, Real Wage Trends, 1979 to 2019);
3. According to a recent study by Parson and Ozaki (2018), girls outperform boys in education;
4. Fathers have been isolated from their role in the family as fathers, coaches, mentors, role models, etc., due to divorce, where the system places the children with the mother, and they are not always cooperative with visitation; and
5. As of 2021, 40% of children are born to single mothers, some of whom never know their father.

Why does it matter?

Males today are psychologically depressed, according to Reeves, and have a challenging time knowing what their role should be. This depression has led to almost three out of four suicides or overdoses occurring in males. They feel useless and worthless and do not know where they fit in society. With society trying to equalize roles in the workplace, some males have suffered. I interviewed one gentleman whose wife, with equal qualifications, was able to get a permanent full-time job three years before him. She had many job offers, and he had none. He was depressed. Should we not think about getting the most qualified person for the job in our society?

What to do about it?

Reeves suggests the following changes:

1. Since males do not seem ready socially or intellectually to enter kindergarten, we should hold them back a year until they are six years of age, a process known as “redshirting”;
2. Equalize the number of men in the health, education, administration, and literacy careers, as many previous male jobs have been automated and
3. Incorporate dads into their children’s lives, even with paid leave.

I advise taking lessons from Barbie and getting in touch with your feelings. Communicate and do not keep it inside. You do not have to be a macho male.