Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. (2024), found love after turning 50, as did many of his clinical clients.  He emphasizes three essential considerations when pursuing love and companionship.  

First, being older can provide one with a wealth of life experiences that can help one clearer understand one’s desires, values, and priorities, and this is an asset, not a limitation.  

The second consideration is taking the time to cultivate an authentic connection of genuine compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect with a prospective partner.  Be open to sharing passions and talking about each other’s vulnerabilities. 

Thirdly, embrace the power of patience to find the right person.  Rushing into relationships, mainly out of desperation, often leads to disappointment. Be patient. 

A gentleman, I will call Jim, thought he was ready to find a relationship but found out after dating that he was not, so he took a step back. He focused on living in the present moment, nurtured his existing friendships, and pursued his passions for cooking and playing tennis. When the time felt right, he went on a dating site and pursued a relationship with Linda, whom he found compatible.

In interviewing Linda, I found that she had established relationship rules and boundaries. To be in the present, she felt that one does not talk about previous relationships or spouses.  

Companionship and similar interests are of prime importance. Going to concerts, movies, plays, games, museums, dinners, and travel were some activities that couples mentioned as necessary in not going alone.  One couple retained their own homes but enjoyed gardening at each other’s place during weekends. Sharing a daily telephone call is an important way to start the day with a “good morning” or end by discussing one’s activities with a “good night.”

See if you feel a sense of fulfillment in your life. A friend’s sister in her late 80s is giddy as a teenager about the special man in her life. Both are getting around with canes, but the excitement is there. One gentleman at 82 told me that sex is not foremost in the relationship, but to him, it is a human touch and having someone who cares about him.  

So, how does one start a relationship with Jeffrey Bernstein’s self-discovery? Make a list of qualities you seek in a man or woman and the unacceptable ones, such as divorced many times, smoking, drinking too much, different political views, financial problems, and problems with children such as drugs.  First, see if you are compatible, then see if physical sparks fly after dating for at least three months, as a friend suggested.  Look for inner beauty, such as kindness, instead of just the outer physical beauty, and yes, put age aside.

If you use a website to meet a prospective mate, check out the authenticity of the person whose photo is viewed. Be aware of scams! The person you might be responding to may not match the picture of who you think. In addition, some married people present themselves as single and are only looking for free sex, commonly referred to as “hook-ups.”  

Also, some websites may have what are called “Yahoo boys” in places like Uganda, whose job is to misrepresent someone in another country and scam you out of your money.  In some cases, one’s entire life savings!  Some women are also threatened with their lives to become associates to help get money from other victims.  

In summary, the main purpose in many older relationships is companionship, which means having someone to talk with and do activities with, such as dinner and travel, that fulfill one’s needs.