Positive parenting, where the parents are caring and sensitive to their children’s needs but set limits and encourage responsibility, has been shown to be important in children’s lives. Children who experience this type of parenting turn out to become self-reliant, self-controlled and high achieving. They also seem more content, goal-oriented, friendly, and socially competent.

Grandparents are also important in providing positive parenting but can also give their grandchildren relaxed learning experiences with special time together. My neighbors are examples of positive grandparenting, and the following are “gifts,” according to chronological age, they have given to their four grandchildren.

For babies up to the age of three, they have read to, prayed with, and talked to them to help build a vocabulary. Since they all lived in different states, they learned to carry on a conversation on the phone. Hugging and appropriate touch was important in bonding. Communication was important, so sending them cards in the mail regularly (not only for birthdays) was part of what they did.

For children from the age of 3 to 7 years old, they have had fun planting a garden and identifying flowers by name. Picking lemons and oranges to make juice or picking strawberries and blueberries gave their grandkids a sense of the labor involved. Going out and selecting a Christmas tree provided a feeling of togetherness. Modeling the behavior to stop and smell the roses was important. This was the age to learn strategies like playing cards/board games and doing puzzles together. Self-control was learned by limiting the consumption of candy and soda. Nurturing creativity was accomplished through drawing, building a stuffed bear, and doing ceramic classes together. Visits to the zoo were always fun and informative. Visiting a farm and seeing a horse give birth could be a learning experience, particularly when we are there to answer their grandkids’ questions.

For children from the ages of 7 to 11 years old they shared jokes and laughed with them. This was the time when they could begin to carry their load, such as their own suitcases, and to build new skills, such as swimming, biking, hiking, and riding buses, escalators, trains, and planes. Playing games one-on-one was important, as was taking time to enjoy the Disneyland fireworks and the Christmas light displays in various neighborhoods. The grandchildren, at the age of ten, did their own research on foreign countries and then got to independently choose their own special trip with their grandparents. This age was chosen because, as they get older, they would be more involved with sports and other activities. Also, they would probably remember more than at an earlier age. My neighbor suggested giving each of them a camera so you would see how differently they see the world.

Ages 11 to 18 years old was an important time to teach the grandchildren how to invest by setting up stock accounts for them and talking monthly about their investments. This interest led them to read the daily stock reports in the newspapers. Then came the time when my neighbors taught me how to drive.

Now two of the grandchildren are off to college in the fall. They are high achieving, confident adults and have been self-reliant about selecting the college of their choice.