One of the most challenging stages of development for parents is adolescence. During this time, teenagers are on a journey to discover who they are and where they fit in the world. This stage is marked by increased psychological independence, experimentation, and boundary testing, accompanied by hormonal changes that can lead to mood swings and impulsive behavior.

A friend of mine faced a problem with her daughter staying up late. The daughter was texting friends late into the night because she didn’t want to miss out on what was happening. Concerned about her daughter’s health and declining grades, the mother initially tried a cognitive-behavioral approach, aiming to be caring and understanding of her daughter’s social life. However, she felt compelled to take away her daughter’s cell phone at 7pm on school nights.

When this strategy didn’t work, she resorted to nagging and yelling, which only resulted in resistance from her daughter. This dynamic led to power struggles between them, deepening the rift and diminishing their communication.

I introduced the mother to the “Let Them Approach.” With this method, she expressed her concerns about her daughter’s health and grades while allowing her to experience the consequences of her choices. As a result, the daughter began to understand that she was in control of her behavior regarding sleep and was responsible for the consequences of staying up late. This approach eliminated yelling and nagging, and over time, her daughter matured and developed positive decision-making skills.

By adopting this method, the parent created a calm and peaceful home environment. The mother listened to and empathized with her daughter’s feelings of tiredness due to a lack of sleep and refrained from micromanaging her life, allowing her daughter to maintain control.

This approach resembles cognitive-behavioral therapy but empowers the adolescent. From my experience as a clinical psychologist, I have learned that “one shoe does not fit everyone.” I encourage you to try this approach; it may work for your teenager. If it doesn’t, consider seeking help from a therapist or psychologist who has a strong background in working with teenagers.