Once Thanksgiving gets here, the days fly by, and the rest of the holidays are quickly upon us. This is the time to get together with neighbors, friends, and family. Trying to schedule all these events can be complicated, especially for those with full-time jobs and small children.

For this article, I want to talk about estrangement. People often do not freely discuss a situation, and the relationship dissolves. This lack of communication is the culprit. And when one cannot fathom the reason for the dissolution of the relationship, the guilt in discussing it results.

Several years ago, at a celebration of life, a relative, upon first seeing me, said something extremely hurtful about the deceased without even expressing how sorry she was for my loss. I did not want to create a situation then, so I did not confront her about what she said. My feelings were validated when a twelve-year-old nephew overheard her and told his mother he was mad.

To confront her then was inappropriate with family around, but time went by, and I never addressed her about how I was offended. I kept feeling the hurt, which eventually turned to anger because I never dealt with it. Has this ever happened to you?

So, after a couple of years, I wrote a letter to this relative who lives on the East Coast and stated my feelings about what she said. Yes, I was responsible for my reaction to her statement, but she was responsible for saying it. I did not mail the letter immediately because I wanted to be sure I would not regret doing this. A couple of months later, I received a letter stating that she did not remember saying that and sometimes said things she did not mean. It was her way of apologizing without explicitly saying she was wrong, which took away the anger and some of the hurt. It did help.

Along the same lines, Kim Novak, a founder of the brand-new non-profit Red Bird Blue Bird Foundation, wants to comfort those families dealing with “a rapidly growing SILENT epidemic happening all around us called Adult Child Estrangement.” Her goals are to “empower estranged parents through support, understanding and resources to foster healing, reconciliation and personal growth for individuals navigating the pain of parental estrangement.” She never thought about this issue until it happened to her.

Her 24-year-old daughter, upon dating this man, decided to end her relationship with her mother. For seven years, Kim was distraught but then found a book, “Done with Crying,” and a private Facebook group of people with similar issues. What she learned from reading post after post on Facebook is that there are a tremendous number of parents who have gone through situations like hers. She no longer felt alone. Some of these families have healed and seen their relatives, but others just had to move on. According to Kim, the group had 200 members, and today there are 8,000.

The silence in situations like hers creates feelings of being the only one who has experienced it, and the guilt one feels plays a significant role in creating the silence of not discussing it. Today, people who struggle being estranged from their families have more venues for talking about it.

Kim wants to support the process of healing hearts and give them the message that they are not alone. Red Bird Blue Bird Foundation has a hotline for those suffering from this situation at 949-233-0736.

I wish you all a Happy Holiday, whatever your beliefs, and may your broken fences of communication be mended. We may not fully agree on issues, but we can listen to each other and talk about our differences. Let’s resolve some of the problems we have between us and get together for the holidays.