The other day, I had an interesting conversation with a young woman contemplating marriage to her boyfriend. She asked me how someone knows if they have found the right partner and what makes a good partnership.

There are many facets to this answer. One part is a very personal, individual answer. But let’s look at some more general answers. One of the first ones to look at is cultural issues.

We all grew up within certain cultures that have given us some expectations of what a romantic partnership is supposed to be. We are often unaware of the cultural pieces that form a significant part of what we seek in a partner. Be sure to take some time to understand how this may show up for you.

But there is obviously more than that to picking a life partner. I have had some people talk about their physical type. Be careful of that; people change! If the only reason you chose someone was their waist size, you may not have a long partnership!

One of the most essential things in a relationship is trust. Can you trust your partner? Are you trustworthy?

It is necessary to feel safe to have a long-term healthy relationship. Another thing to be aware of is how clear the communication is. This can be worked on, but is your prospective partner willing to work on it? Are you? Do you like your partner? Is this person your friend? Do you enjoy hanging out?

Notice that I have not mentioned love. It is important, but so hard (impossible, really) to honestly describe what love is. You have to decide on that one for yourself. Sexual compatibility is another piece that can be worked on. So, if there is no “chemistry” initially, it may develop as you learn to trust them and really know who they are.

So, what makes a good partner? Someone whom you can see yourself laughing with, working beside, building things with, and lying next to every day, year after year. Someone you can build a life with! Enjoy the journey!